More on Changing Yourself

Dear Tony,

The leader of my Toastmaster’s group characterizes the club as “a comfortable place to try uncomfortable things.”

That idea of establishing a comfortable place is critically important. And often overlooked.
When you are doing something uncomfortable (which, when you are starting out, probably means any new step), you need to make the rest of your life as comfortable as you can. That means anything you can reasonably control — physical space, time of day, food, noise, etc. Trying a new step is difficult enough. Trying a new step on top of dealing with normal annoyances is usually overwhelming.

For me, it helps to choose the exact time and place and plan the details in advance. If something goes awry, I will reschedule. But I plan exactly what I am going to do before, during, and after the step.
When I am starting, I can’t compensate for any variation whatsoever. If things don’t go as planned, I usually need to wait. When I am just starting out, I completely lack flexibility. When I have done the step a few times and are more used to it, then I can begin to tolerate some variations or surprises. But when I am starting it needs to go exactly as planned.

After I finish that first step I am usually exhausted. No matter how small the step is. I need to relax and do something to reward myself. I need to recognize that these changes are difficult and I need to make other accommodations in my life.

Change is not easy. But it is possible.