Dear Tony,
I would like to write a little bit about cleaning. I don't mean looking back and re-evaluating things and finding ways to improve yourself. I mean simple, undramatic and unemotional housecleaning.
I know keeping your living space clean is difficult for many people with mental illness. You are well aware your place is a mess, and it is embarrassing to have people over. Sometimes you try to clean it up, but it does not last. More often you are well aware you need to clean, but it is very difficult to organize yourself to do so. I have been there plenty of times.
My advice on cleaning is basically the same advice I have given you again and again: Start with what you can do, not what you need.
For me, establishing a routine is key. Even now, I can usually clean either (1) by a rigid impersonal schedule that does not take into account special events or unusual occurances or (2) only on special events or unusual occurances. I eventually figured out that in cleaning it is better to do it on the rigid impersonal schedule.
Start with establishing a schedule for one cleaning chore. Ideally, it would be something which impacts your day-to-day life such as washing dishes or doing laundry. Figure out a certain time - either a day in the week or a time in your daily routine - when you can comfortably do this chore. Focus on doing it then. At first it will probably be difficult, but eventually it will simply become part of your schedule. If you miss the chance to do it on the set time don't worry about it. Simply resume your plan the next set time it comes. Chances are that is still better than doing it sporadically. Once you are used to doing that one chore on a set schedule, you can start to add other chores.
Once you have started improving your day-to-day life this way, the next priority is sanitation. Often keeping your space sanitary involves more difficult and more demanding chores (cleaning floors, cleaning bathrooms, etc.). Again, chose one chore - maybe the one that is easiest for you - and figure out a time in your routine when you can do that. Focus on doing one chore at a time. Keeping your living space halfway clean is better than not keeping it clean at all.
Cleaning effectively is a legitimate skill which takes some knowledge and considerable practice. If you honestly do not know how to do these chores, I can understand that it might be embarrassing to ask people. There are a number of books about how to clean effectively. There should be some available in the library. Even if you have done these chores in the past, it takes some time to grow used to them and to learn how to best do them in your specific space. It takes some practice before it becomes part of your routine. If you try to do too much at once you could grow overwhelmed and shut down.
One final note: This is just cleaning and keeping your space sanitary. Don't even try to make things organized and attractive. Worry about that later.
