More on Therapists

Dear Tony,

I would like to expand a little more on the last point I made in the last letter.

Therapists are not supposed to grow angry at their clients, but it does happen. My advice - and this is just me - is, if it only happens occasionally and you still feel safe and comfortable there, don't worry about it. Therapy is a very emotionally charged environment, therapists often need to make quick decisions about how to respond, and people - both the therapist and the client - sometimes do not process their feelings appropriately. Also, I think that sometimes therapists can unintentionally appear to be angry when they are really not.

I would suggest that it is more important to ask yourself: Am I comfortable telling this therapist what is going on? Does the therapist listen to me and respect my judgment? Am I making progress in the areas I would like to? If the answer to both questions is yes, then I would probably recommend staying with that therapist.

On the other hand, there is no excuse for rage. If your therapist grows uncontrollably angry, or angry for an extended period of time, you should try to find a new therapist. If you are afraid of telling your therapist something because s/he will be angry or will take it the wrong way, then you are not receiving the help you need. And - to repeat what I said in the last letter - if your therapist grows enraged because you did something without first asking his/her permission, there are serious control issues. You need to find another therapist quickly.